Mixed Feelings

[nightfox]

I don't normally inflict my issues on everyone else but I'm feeling so odd about the news I got today. For anyone who doesn't know I was involved in a rather terrible auto accident in Sept of 2009. As a result of the accident I sustained quite a few injuries but the worst damage was to my cervical spine. I've undergone several procedures to fix everything that was broken/injured. The last surgery, just over a year ago was a two level discectomy/laminectomy with spinal fusion. I had known at 6 mos post surgery that one of the fusions was still unstable but my MD was of the opinion it would continue to heal. Now it's safe to say it hasn't and isn't going to. So today I got to see the lovely gap where the donor bone they used failed to calcify and left me with an open area in the space where my disc used to be.

Needless to say, I've been in a lot of pain. I'm not sure whether or not I should be happy that I have to undergo the knife again. Finding out that my fusion didn't heal means that there is still hope to fix it and potentially reduce my pain because if he'd found today that it was healed that meant I would have had no hope of anything in my future but drugs drugs and more freakin drugs. On the other hand, it's more surgery on my spine and a more painful procedure at that. I can't say that makes me happy. Also I'd been hoping to go back to work at the end of the month and well, clearly that's not going to happen.

So here I sit, not quite sure how to feel about all this. Is it completely pathetic of me to just wish for it all to go away? I just want my life back.

Comments

[k-nightfox.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hun! The pain relief is what it's all about. I'm just hoping it works this time :|