nightfox: (Anime Me)
I am a member of [livejournal.com profile] merlin_finders and I love stalking other people's posted searches because I find so much good merlin fic that I've managed to miss on my own by doing so. I am occasionally startled when someone is looking for or recs one of my fics but it's happened a few times.

Today someone asked "Please rec the most painful, heart-breaking, gut-wrenching M/A fic you can." Another lj user made a few specific story recs and then added "In general, I'd recommend these two authors (for wrenching of guts)" and I was one of them. It has me wondering...is that a good thing?

I mean, it's beyond lovely to have my fic mentioned (how could it not be?!) but does it mean that I am way too predictable in what I write? I find myself worrying that people assume everything I write will rip their guts out and...well, I do do a lot of angst but not all of it's heartbreak! I don't think...

So, OK, has anyone actually read a smattering of my work or do I completely scare people off with the tone of some of my stories? I'm just curious. I'm going to continue to write what inspires me but I'd really like to know if I'm seen as that much of a constant downer.

Seriously, you can be honest and I won't be offended, I am genuinely interested in how my writing is perceived. So let me have it, fire away!

nightfox: (Colin WtF)
Something someone wrote in a video summary brought a thought to my head that made me sick to my stomach. (Well, I already was sick to my stomach, have been all day, this just made it worse.)

When interviewed, the J's have kind of blown off the magical reveal. That irritated quite a few of us fans. They've also now revealed that they are going to do a pretty big jump in time between Series/Season 4 and 5 (if Mordred's apparent age is any indication it's going to be a hell of a leap forward).

What if those muthafucka's do the magical reveal off-screen sometime in the years between Season 4 & 5? What if we NEVER get to see it at all?

*screeches and tears out a few handfuls of hair just thinking about it*

They CAN'T do that to us...can they?

Not a nice thought at 3:30am.
nightfox: (Default)
Hello my lovely and caring friends! I can't tell you how much your concern and well wishes have been appreciated. Just a minor update on my healing progress. I saw my surgeon today and he's cautiously pleased about my progress. My x-rays look good and my neck issues seem to be slowly (very effing slowly) improving but now that my neck feels better, my thoracic (middle) spine pain seems to be getting worse and he is not officially allowed to investigate that due to insurance restrictions. Arrrrgg!! So now I have to track down my elusive and silent case manager or (if I can't get her) my case adjuster to try and get that looked into. I hate insurance companies with all my soul.

Still fighting the battle against sleep and drowsy, half-dead wakefulness. When will I have my brain back for more than a few minutes a day? Well, some days I get it back for a few hours and that's when I dive in and write but hell, only 2-3 hours a day of lucidity (if I am lucky) is wearing on my nerves.

In cool news, I want to help pimp the following:


Merlin T-Shirt Design Fest

Prompt List Preview goes up tomorrow April 13 and Prompt Claiming Begins Sunday April 15!
http://merlin-tshirts.livejournal.com

Apologies

Mar. 22nd, 2012 07:59 am
nightfox: (Merlin Sleeping)
Hello my beloved FList! I want to apologize for being MIA so badly lately. I'm still struggling with sleeping 18-22 hours a day from all the drugs. What time I do manage to stay awake is being dedicated toward finishing my [livejournal.com profile] merlin_canon fic. I've managed a few responses to your entries here and there when I can feel that I am only gonna be awake for like 20 minutes before I fall back asleep. Yeah, it's that bad and I can tell each time I wake whether it's gonna be a brief bit of wakefulness or the rarer long one.

So, please forgive me but as my inbox now has over 300 unanswered messages (and that's after I cull the spam, adverts and emails I know I won't bother with each day) there is a damn good chance I won't get to read any of your newest stories or posts with your latest news. I haven't lost interest, I'm just losing time!

I tend to have a massively guilty conscience about things like that. I love to be supportive of everyone so I feel the need to extend this apology to all of you on my friends list. I love you guys but I'm just not me right now. So, I am so very sorry for my absence. At this point, I don't know when I'll be back to my chatty self so please don't take it personally!
nightfox: (DarkGirl)
I will never, ever, ever again publish an actual WIP. What the hell did I get myself into? It's not my commitment to story that's an issue, it's the commitment of others that is wiggin me out. I never anticipated having the weight of other people's expectation hang over something I wrote. But here I am, seven chapters into a work and I know it's just going to piss people off when they finally get to the end.

I didn't mean for it to happen! I actually started this stupid thing off with totally different expectations of where the plot was going. It's morphed into something unrecognizable from it's starting point and as such, I can't in good conscience give it the happy ending I was going to originally pen. I unwittingly wrote my characters into a scenario of domestic abuse and I just can not, can not even in a fantasy setting, give lip-service to the idea that abusers change.They do NOT. Well, not without intense personal motivation, self-control and a lot of therapy. Therapy that just wasn't available in the 6th century. Sorry, can't do it. I like fantasy, hell I adore fantasy but I am not perpetuating the fantasy that after beating up a loved one, saying I'm sorry with lots of tears makes it all better. It's only better til the next time.

So, I have readers already begging me for a happy ending that I'm not going to give them and I now realize that this will probably piss off at least 80% of the people kind enough to give my scribbles their attention (& that's likely a conservative estimate). I have come to the conclusion that it's my fault for ever publishing something without having thought it through. It will not be happening again. From now on, anything I post will be finished at least in rough draft form. I'm not going through agonies of indecision and angst over my own damn plot lines again!

As my dear departed father used to say, "Live and learn, kid! Live and learn!"

I mean, this too shall pass, right?
nightfox: (Default)
*Jumps up and down like a little girl* OMG! The angels at FedEx have delivered my new laptop and it's just so...shiny!! I can't wait to make love play with it! In the grand world of technology today, it's nothing special but when you are broke with a broken computer, it's like something from Heaven! Now I can watch Merlin with sound!! I can hear all those interviews I've been trying to lip-read! And honestly, could you concentrate on words when staring at Colin Morgan's lips? Yeah, it didn't work so well for me either.

Yee!! I am just so excited!!
nightfox: (Default)
Aliens. Why so extreme? Why is it that literature, film, television and even radio always depict them as either entirely benevolent visitors who want to be our friends or evil beings bent on our destruction or enslavement? Might we not bump into a species that is as self-absorbed and made of mixed intentions as the human race? I dunno, I just think that would be more interesting.

Porn Fail

Sep. 16th, 2011 01:19 pm
nightfox: (Default)
Porn Fail!--Write what you know or Do The Research!!


It must be said, I love porn. I really love it when porn makes it's way into fan fiction. Even though most fan fiction writers are a bit tentative and most of the porn is pretty soft, it can still be very hot. I have to admit, I probably come to it from a different place than most who write fan fiction since I used to write hard-core, kinky-filthy, acts-that-are-still-illegal-in-most-of-the-US type of porn long before I got into writing fan fics. In consideration for the sensibilities of others, I do tone down my porn-lit tendencies in my fan fiction (yes readers, that is the very tame version). Not only have I written some hard-to-swallow stuff, I've lived quite a bit of it. I spent over a year and a half married to a man who used terror as a means to control me. After I escaped and recuperated a while, I spent the next five years in a frenzy of sexual freedom. I indulged just about all of my fantasies and several I hadn't even dreamed up on my own, It is possible to become drunk on freedom. However, I digress. Having had a life-long and abiding love for sex and all things sexual, I have become something of an information sponge when it comes to the subject. What I haven't actually lived out, I've researched pretty thoroughly. All of the major kinks and fetishes have been absorbed and several of the more obscure as well. Standing at the buffet table at many an orgy, I have been told by the sex-obsessed that I "know too damn much about sex." (Sadly, I have a love of sharing what I know and kind of wind up like a professor at a seminar in porn college).

Now, why this exercise in TMI you ask? It's simple. I don't expect everyone who writes fan fiction to have my rather broad acquaintance with acts of a carnal nature. Hell, I have extensive knowledge but even I do not possess an encyclopedic wisdom on the subject. Trust me, there are more kinks out there than any one woman can ever really know. However, if you are going to write about sex, do your research! I will be the first person to applaud imagination but if you are going to, let's say, write about BDSM, do look beyond the fact that participants tend to wear some leather and use implements called "whips" and "floggers". Information is ridiculously easy to come by on the internet and I assume if you are posting on it, you have access to it! I pick BDSM or D/s because it's something a lot of people who don't know latex from leather, cowhide from deerskin or a ball gag from a cock ring like to try and write about! There are so many sites offering information on that particular subject that you can't swing a paddle on the internet without hitting one. You can see photographic evidence of what sort of damage results from a whip, a flogger, a paddle, a crop...I could go on but I think you get my point by now. You'll also quickly find out that to be called "BDSM" or "D/s" the acts must adhere to the concept of "Safe, sane and consensual" If the man/woman wielding the whip didn't ask the man/woman being whipped for permission, than it's torture not BDSM. If someone who's restrained is fucked without permission, it's not domination, it's rape.

Then there is anal sex. I love to read anal sex scenes by someone who's clearly never actually engaged in the act. Spit is not an adequate lube!! Not unless you frequently engage (and have very recently indulged) in anal sex, then sometimes it is. If you want your inexperienced character spit-lubed, prepared to make them hurt! They may enjoy it but it still hurts! No lube at all...crazy pain! Also, a one finger stretch for 30 seconds...not gonna cut it. Again, there is a lot of information available on the subject. Read some of it!

I won't even get started on the many other kinks out there, I'd be typing all day...probably all week. However, I think I've made my point. If you don't know what you are writing about then FIND OUT!

Thank you, that is all.

nightfox: (Default)
So I live in Southern NJ along the Delaware River, just outside Philadelphia. We started this week with an earthquake (the first one to hit the state in over a decade) and we're ending the week with a Hurricane...the first in nearly a century...hell of a week!

Out I went today to stock up on supplies. Not that bad, I got food staples, water, candles & TP but the one thing you can't find (anywhere in NJ or Eastern Pennsylvania apparently) are D batteries!! Seriously, between my sister and I we hit up every retail store you can imagine and some we had to work at imagining. Chain stores, grocery stores, Ma & Pop stores, gas stations, pharmacies & toy stores. You name it, we tried it. No one has any.

So, if (and it's more like when) we lose power, I will be trapped in a 2 bedroom apartment with my sister and my best friend...who hate each other...in the dark. Oh yes, and 2 black cats who love to not be where you expect them...in the dark. It's already been so gloomy the past 2 days that I need to keep the lights on at high noon...cuz it looks like 9 pm out there. So 3-4 gloomy ass days, 2-3 black nights with shadow-ninja-trip-you cats and two women who despise each other.
Good times! *wince*

I think I'll visit the liquor store before the storm arrives...I wonder how early they open?
nightfox: (Default)
After re-reading a few of  my fics, it has come to light that my adoration for honey has been creeping into my writing. No one else seems to have picked up on it, which is good but it's in there. I do absolutely love the stuff to the point where I haunt specialty honey shops and roadside stands for the best stuff out there. No supermarket issue clover-crap for this honey-girl. Nope, no way!

Hmm..well as far as addictions go, I certainly could have picked a worse one. I do tend to have a bit of an obsessive personality. Thankfully it's only for abstract concepts, hobbies, sex, tea and honey....well and sparkly things, strapping, lacing & the color black. Oh and shoes! Fuck Me Now shoes! I think that's most of it. One day I'll get into my phobias...Hee!

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